


Our Little Infinity

by timelessinfinity



Series: Luwoo Winter Series [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-23 15:12:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelessinfinity/pseuds/timelessinfinity
Summary: "I’m also aware that the Higher one gave us only numbered days to stay here on earth, but will you spend the rest of your infinity with me within the numbered of our days?"





	1. December 14, 2018 (1/2)

_I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see_

_I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear_

_I see things that I couldn’t see before_

_I hear things that I couldn’t hear before_

_-Miracles in December_

 

It’s been three months since Jungwoo returned from his indefinite leave and somehow Kun is still struggling with getting him back to his usual self. He continues to be lenient as a dean when it comes to Jungwoo as the university acknowledges his intellectual capabilities in English Literature and the reviews from his students are truly remarkable, but then again, he is also Jungwoo's friend (best friend, at that) and he can see how shattered Jungwoo was despite being calm and collected during his lectures. Yes, the professor came back well but his bestfriend didn’t.

“Kun?” A soft voice pulled him out of his reverie as he admired the snow falling from the outside. “I just dropped by to give the final grades of the students.”

“I’ll just double check this one. You know Jaehyun, he sucks at it too.” Kun smiled as takes hold of the document, aware that Jungwoo despises the word ‘Math’ and all the terms that is related to it.

… except for the word ‘infinity.’ You will just opt not to mention it at all just not to trigger him. At some point, he stopped looking at the calendar and just sets an alarm signifying that he has a class in 5 minutes or maybe the class is already over.

 

‘Numbers,’ he thought. Right, it’s still Math. A main component in Math.

 

“Thanks, Kun. Uhm, I have to go… Jeno is waiting for me. Apparently, they have invited me to the class Christmas party.” Jungwoo smiles docilely. “It’s in room 504. Drop by if you have time, the class would love to see you.”

“I will. Go now, I’ll just arrange some of these papers here.” He replies, watching Jungwoo’s silhouette disappear.

***

“I do believe that everyone is enjoying their time so let’s tone it down a bit and have our little Dead Poet Society moment.” Jaemin said as he smiled at his beloved professor. “I think Jeno has something to share?”

“Yeah.” The said man smiled at his boyfriend and made his way to the podium.

“To be honest, I was planning to share an excerpt from _Desiderata_. Then again, I got this letter yesterday from a great friend. I never believed in signs, to be honest, not until today. He always tells me that he sucks at English, but I believe otherwise and I want you guys to know why…” Jeno said as he smiled at his cousin before he read the letter.

 

‘ _To my man Jeno,_

_You must be wondering why you are receiving a letter from me. Don’t worry, your grades are perfectly fine. It’s just that I need some help… you are good at something that I suck and that is English. I just want this to be perfect for your Jungwoo hyung so please help me… well here it goes.’_

Jungwoo was taken aback when he heard his name was mentioned on the letter but it’s highly impossible that… it’s him… right?

 

_‘My Jungwoo,_

_I believe that you’re familiar with the book of Mr. John Green entitled ‘The Fault in Our Stars.’ Believe it or not, I just finished reading the book and I swear to God, it was simply marvelous. Well that’s because I can understand it properly because of how domestic the plot is. Then again, there is a line from that book that caught my attention._

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities…. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for our little infinity. You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”

_Being a Math professor of course, I would say that there’s some faults in this part but let’s not talk about that. For sure you’re scrunching your nose right now. You always do that when I talk mathematical to you, my Jungwoo._

Jungwoo was just staring at Jeno, trying to digest every word that he is saying right now. To be honest, he must be hallucinating already, somehow _his_ voice melded with Jeno’s that it feels like he can actually hear _him_.

 

_A year ago, I gave you my little infinity, but I never told you why. It’s because, it’s not the right time yet… until today. Jungwoo, it took us exactly four years, three months, fourteen days, nineteen hours, thirty minutes and twenty seconds to finally reach here. That infinity that I gave you, it’s a promise and sign that I asked from the universe. If you accepted the necklace, it means that you are my infinity and beyond, and that in this movie called ‘Life’ you are the best part. My best part. I’m rambling already to be honest. Then again, one thing is for sure; it took us some time before we reached here, and I can’t afford to waste another year without asking you this…_

_Kim Jungwoo, the word forever is synonymous to the mathematical term infinity. I know that one day, all of us will die and oblivion will always be there. Hell, that book got me so bad…_

_I’m also aware that the Higher one gave us only numbered days to stay here on earth, but will you spend the rest of your infinity with me within the numbered of our days?_

_Jeno, I hope you don’t mind editing this for me. I just want the best for my Jungwoo. Thanks bro!_

_Yukhei hyung_

_Dtd: 12/14/2017_

Jeno took a deep breath and scanned the class who were quietly shedding a tear. He also looked at his cousin whose tears are streaming continuously as he held the little infinity that Yukhei was talking about in the letter before he continued his speech.

 

“Yes, it was Professor Wong. I don’t know how, but I do believe that it was intended for me to receive this few days before he proposed to my cousin, Jungwoo hyung.” Jeno said as he swallowed the lump that was building up in his throat. “Ironically, on the same day that this letter was dated… it was also the day the Higher one was in dire need of an angel and He chose Yukhei hyung…

The universe must’ve conspired something that it ended up falling on its place, today… 14th of December. Yukhei hyung is making sure you are doing well, Jungwoo hyung..” Jeno said as he looked at Jungwoo.

That was also the first time Kun saw how Jungwoo disintegrated after all this time and let that bottled up emotions turned into messy blubbers of melancholy and grief.


	2. Winter 2015 (1/3)

_This life has twists and turns_

_But it's the sweetest mystery_

_When you're with me_

_We say a thousand words_

_But no one else is listening_

_I will be_

_-For Life_

“Your eyes are beautiful like the stars tonight.”

 

Jungwoo just hummed as he admired the night sky on this cold winter night of December. After meeting Yukhei, he started to question his decision-making skills because this man brought the inner spontaneity in him. Who hangs out in this freezing weather? Then again, he enjoys his company more than anyone else here in the Uni. He wasn’t sure if it’s just for him, but he is always ready whenever Jungwoo asks him out for dinner or lunch. He was just always there, on the go. Like right now, they are sitting on the bench, Jungwoo resting his head on his shoulders and warming his hand on the cup of hot chocolate that Yukhei bought earlier. 

“Do you know that Math tells us three of the saddest love stories of all time?” Yukhei asks as he strokes his hair.

“You know that I will never understand that, right?”

“That is why I am here, my Jungwoo,” he says as he admires Jungwoo’s facial features. “I will make you understand the concept using words that I am, well technically, not good at but for you I’ll do it.”

“Come on, you are one smooth motherf*cker. Should I remind you about the ‘Yeri Incident’?” Jungwoo smirks, seeing how the other pouts at him.

“But really, Math tells us three of the saddest love stories of all time,” Yukhei says as he pulls Jungwoo closer to keep him warm enough.

“First is the Parallel lines.”

_Parallel Lines: The two lines are always the same distance apart and can never meet has given birth to different pairs of angles when they are crossed by another line._

 

“How’s that a love story?” Jungwoo frowns a little as Yukhei explains the concept.

“They knew each other, maybe saying occasional basic greetings during conferences or such events but the universe knows that it wasn’t really meant to happen… that is their first meeting.”


	3. September 1, 2014

_Jungwoo has had a strange relationship with Math ever since he was a kid. It wasn’t that he couldn’t understand the concepts, it was just that he hated how the answers ended up in that manner. He did exactly what his classmates did but his answers were always different from theirs. Since then, he always aimed to be better in other subjects other than Math since that subject had a personal hatred for him._

_“Hyung, how did you become a professor when you suck at Math?” Jeno yelled, flailing his arms inside the café._

_“I teach English Literature, not Calculus!” Jungwoo huffed as he pushed the book away from him. “I never EVER understood Calculus, God!”_

_“Maybe I can help, Professor Kim?”_

_“Oh, Professor Wong! It’s our homework though!” Jeno explained but the professor  already sat in front of Jungwoo._

_“It’s okay, kiddo, you’re my student. I can tutor you. Besides like what your hyung said, he’s an English Literature professor and I happen to be a Calculus professor.” Yukhei grinned cheekily at the two._

_“I believe we haven’t met personally. How—”_

_“Professor of the year awardee since 2012 and I always read your works at the University website. I hope it’s an additional point if I say that I haven’t missed any single article you have written,” Yukhei said as he reached out for a handshake. “Wong Yukhei. I’m from the engineering department and I teach Calculus. It is a pleasure to meet my favorite writer.”_

_“Kim Jungwoo,” he replied as he took his hand for a handshake._

_It was an electrifying moment for Jungwoo when he held his hand. For sure he was blushing like hell but who cares? The warmth that he felt right after was worth it. He was so worth it._


	4. Winter 2015 (2/3)

 

“That was indeed sad. Meeting someone who wasn’t meant for you. What’s the next one?” Jungwoo asks while they are walking to Yukhei’s apartment.

The Calculus professor insisted that he should stay for the night. ‘ _There is no work tomorrow anyway so longer hangout time. Besides, I have no plans letting you go that easily._ ’ Those were his exact words and who was Jungwoo to deny such splendor right in front of him?

“Well it’s Asymptotic Lines,” Yukhei says as he intertwines his and Jungwoo’s shivering fingers.

_Asymptotic Lines: A line that approaches a function's graph more and more closely, but never touches it. Asymptote are the limits of a graph._

“The word itself is bad enough…”

“Oh, it’s quite unforgivable. It’s like, the two people from the parallel line got closer and closer but they were never meant to be together. They were not even meant to meet in the first place,” Yukhei says as he looked at Jungwoo who is trying to absorb the concept.

“That’s vile...” He pouts.

“My love, it will get worse if they become a couple, right?”

“That’s true.” Jungwoo nods when he realizes what Yukhei just called him. “My love???”

“You nodded so it’s a yes!!!” Yukhei yells as he runs away and Jungwoo can’t help but melt inside. He just got himself a golden retriever puppy as a boyfriend.

“Kim Jungwoo!” Yukhei smiles, opening his arms wide.

And Jungwoo just plummets into his arms, basking in the warmth that is spreading quickly throughout his body.


	5. Winter 2016

_I don’t think I can forget you when the wind gets cold_

_The night our breaths touched with smoke coming out of our mouths_

_We warmly held each other with happy laughter_

_Nights we dreamed of a tomorrow that will shine like the stars_

_-Universe_

_Jungwoo was on the height of his career and it had no plans of slowing down. More classes, more students, and more grades to compute. Indeed, Math had a personal grudge on him._

_“THE UNI IS OVERLOADING MY SCHEDULE, OH MY GOD. WHO SAID I CAN HANDLE 600 STUDENTS???” Jungwoo yelled at the dining area of their shared apartment._

_“Sweetie, I told you to calm the f*ck down. I said I would help you with that.” Yukhei chuckled as he brewed some coffee for him and Jungwoo._

_It has been a year since Jungwoo and Yukhei decided that Jungwoo should move in together since Yukhei’s apartment was closer to the university, and Jungwoo’s classes started at 7AM so he couldn’t afford to be late. Plus, they had been dating for a year._

_“I have 100 students from your department and 500 students in my department. Tell me how to calm down???” Jungwoo snapped as he glared at Yukhei who was making his way to their bedroom._

_Jungwoo just realized right then and there, that it had been a year since they became a couple. From being acquaintances to sharing the same room, sharing the same bed and sometimes sharing clothes too (though mostly it’s just him borrowing Yukhei’s clothes). Jungwoo wasn’t going to lie but wearing Yukhei’s sweater that was twice his size was way too comfy for his liking and there was no way he was giving up wearing those._

_“Wear this.”_

_“Huh?” Jungwoo looked up to see Yukhei grinning like a fool once again handing him his coat._

_“Just wear it!” Yukhei chuckled as he pulled Jungwoo up from his chair and made him wear his coat. “And here, you get cold too easily, so you need a scarf,” he said as he wrapped a scarf around Jungwoo, enough to cover his neck._

_“Yukhei, I’m in my pajamas already. Where are we going?” Jungwoo looked at the other who was pulling him to the balcony._

_“You need a breather so here we are!’ Yukhei grinned as he showed Jungwoo the revamped balcony. It wasn’t spacious but Yukhei managed to make it cozy enough even though it was negative zero degrees in Seoul as of the moment. There was a thick comforter on the sofa bed, coffee brewing from the coffee pot on the coffee table, and a sky full of stars._

_“It’s perfect.” Jungwoo grinned, showing his two front teeth that Yukhei always adored in one way or another. “Thank you, Yukhei.”_

_“Anything for you, my Jungwoo.” Yukhei smiled as he cupped Jungwoo’s cheeks and planted a kiss on his forehead._

_***_

_“Yukhei?” Jungwoo whispered as he looked at his boyfriend’s face. It still bewildered him how perfectly he fit in Yukhei’s embrace._

_“Yes, sweetie?”_

_“Would you believe that it’s been a year since we started dating?”_

_“We are dating?” Yukhei teased Jungwoo who just glared at him. “I’m just kidding. But yeah, it’s been a year and it just got better.”_

_“Because I moved in here with you?”_

_“And you ended my misery of missing you every day.” Yukhei kissed his temples._

_“Ten years from now, what do you think we’d be doing?” Jungwoo asked Yukhei who was lovingly adoring the smoke coming out of his mouth as he spoke._

_“Hmm… maybe we’d be married, living in a house fit for four people…” Yukhei said, still thinking of what they would be doing on Winter 2026._

_“Why four?” Jungwoo asked innocently._

_“You, me and our two kids; Renjun and Yangyang.” Yukhei giggled at the thought of having kids. “Renjun will have your sparkly eyes and Yangyang will have your pretty smile.”_

_“Maybe we’d be having our winter movie night with hot chocolate and smores while watching ‘Home Alone’ or ‘Harry Potter.’ Whatever Renjun or Yangyang likes.”_

_“Yes! Yes! Or maybe we can have a winter ski trip! The kids would love that too! I’ll cook meat for them.”_

_“Yukhei?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and our Renjun and Yangyang.” Jungwoo smiled as he adored the face of the love of his life._

_“Then we are on the same page,” Yukhei said as he pulled Jungwoo closer to kiss him._


	6. Winter 2015 (3/3)

“Hey, boyfriend.” Jungwoo smiles as he plops onto Yukhei’s bed.

“I love that nickname. Call me that starting tonight.” Yukhei grins as he pulls Jungwoo close to him. Sure, Yukhei is clingy but Jungwoo loves every second of it.

“Until?” Jungwoo asks.

“Until I marry you. Then, you’ll call me husband.” Yukhei grins cheekily as he pecked Jungwoo’s cheeks.

“We’re just on the first day, mister, and now we are talking about marriage.” Jungwoo giggled at his dorky boyfriend.

“Heh. Oh, I haven’t told you the last one yet!”

“Right. What was it anyway?”

“Tangent lines.”

_Tangent Lines: A line that touches a curve at a point without crossing over._

 

Yukhei smiles at the sight of Jungwoo frowning and scrunching his nose. It means he really cannot understand the concept.

“Honey, it’s like this… remember the couple in asymptotic lines?”

“Yeah.” Jungwoo nods. Yukhei suddenly grabs a post-it from his bedside drawer.

“The curve line is like the stages or big moments in our life. The couple is the line. Now, they passed the first stage which was the getting to know each other and being a couple and such. Now, just when they are starting to plan for their life ahead, the universe is cooking something inevitable. Most probably, to reverse their first meeting which wasn’t in the plan in the first place,” Yukhei explains as he draws the last and probably the most complicated concept among the three.

“I hate the universe then.” Jungwoo sulks, staring at the paper.

“Why?” Yukhei looks at him, surprised at Jungwoo’s reaction.

“Just because they made a mess and let the couple meet in the first place, now means that they’ll conspire to do something inevitable like death. It’s just despicable.”

“Wow, I’m so proud that you understood the most difficult concept among the three.” Yukhei smiles as he pulls Jungwoo closer to him and whispers, “Then again, even if they don’t end up together, don’t you think they still win in the end?”

“How come?”

“They met because it was their will. They became a couple and embarked on a difficult journey called life. Yes, in the end, they didn’t end up in each other’s arms but, it was a beautiful journey. They have that engraved in their hearts and no one can take that away from them.”

“Unless the universe f*cks it up and made one of them suffered from memory loss or dementia.” Jungwoo giggles just to lighten up the mood.

“Unless that happens.” Yukhei grins as he adores Jungwoo.


	7. December 14, 2017

_Memories always bring tears_

_Where it was all washed away_

_Only you remain_

_These aren’t feelings that I can end_

_In just one day, with just one try_

_I feel it so much it hurts_

_Wherever you are, I’ll go to you_

_-Universe_

_Jungwoo was stuck at the university that night due to a snowstorm. Kun already told him that he could go home when Yukhei passed by earlier but Jungwoo being the persistent man he was, decided to stay and help Kun with the annual report. Now, here he was, stuck here in the middle of the night. He could’ve walked home already but Yukhei insisted on picking him up because it was dangerous to walk home alone around this time._

_Jungwoo’s phone buzzed._

_“Yukhei? Are you home?”_

_“No, I’m on my way there. I’m at the intersection already,” Yukhei said, fixing his earpiece._

_“You could’ve just stayed home, honey. And why are you using your phone while driving??” Jungwoo asked as he made his way out of the building already._

_“I am stubborn like you and I am using my earpiece so it’s all good.” Jungwoo can imagine Yukhei grinning again while saying those words. “Hey, open your bag. I placed something there, earlier.” He said and Jungwoo did what he asked him to do._

_“Huh? Lemme… this skyblue box?”_

 

_“Yes, open it.” Yukhei said. He heard Jungwoo gasp and it made him smile like a fool. Whatever Jungwoo did made him smile like a fool. Call Yukhei whipped and he would proudly say yes, he is._

_“I... oh my God. Yukhei, it’s gorgeous. Thank you!” Jungwoo squealed, wearing the necklace as soon as he could, and then ran towards the entrance gates. He couldn’t wait any longer for Yukhei to make turns here and there. He wanted him as soon as possible and to drown himself in his warmth._

_“I’m not sure if you believe in God or Buddha or something… then again, I am thankful to the Higher one for giving me the best gift I could ever have and that is you, my infinity and beyond… are you crying?” Yukhei asked._

_“I can see your car already. Just meet me here at the entrance gates, fast. I really want to hug you so bad! I love you, Wong Yukhei.” Jungwoo waved as he saw Yukhei’s car just across the intersection._

_“I love you too, Kim Jungwoo.”_

_For Jungwoo, there was nothing more he could ask for. Everything has already fallen in its place, and him falling in love with Yukhei was the best part of it. With Yukhei beside him, everything seemed so easy. Life still had it’s ways to annoy the hell out of him but then again, at the end of the day, there will always be a Wong Yukhei who will hug him and say that everything has a reason and that it will be okay because Kim Jungwoo has Wong Yukhei._

_To infinity and beyond._

_And just like that, the inevitable happened._

_A truck was losing its brake just before Yukhei could manage to change gears, crashing into his car instantly, dragging it few meters near the university gates before the truck bumped into the light post just across where Jungwoo was standing._

_When Jungwoo said fast, he didn’t mean it to be this way._

_When Jungwoo said he wanted to hug him, he didn’t mean it like this._

_Never in his life did he imagine the feeling of witnessing someone’s death and trying to save that person. Until today. He would have been damn thankful if it was just a stranger but no, he just witnessed the death of the love of his life. He could not imagine that he would be doing the things he never imagined will happen to him; like how he tried so hard to open that damned door, pulling a bloodied Yukhei out, how he fought so hard in making Yukhei to stay with him until the ambulance arrived to stabilize his condition, and how…_

_“Jungwoo…”_

_“Yukhei, I can hear the ambulance already, okay? Stay with me. You can do this. Yukhei.” Jungwoo cupped his cheek as he held him in his arms. He didn’t care about the blood stain all over his body, if it meant Yukhei would be safe, so be it. Yukhei would always be worth it for Jungwoo._

_“I love you, Jungwoo… to infinity...”_

_“and beyond.”_

_… how he finished Yukhei’s last words and closed his eyes._

_Yukhei was right, the universe would do what it had to do._


	8. December 14, 2018 (2/2)

_This nightmare_

_This memory_

_Even if it tortures me_

_Even if it keeps repeating_

_I’m going back to this dream_

_Where I can meet you_

_-Timeless_

 

The moment Kun saw Jungwoo exactly one year ago is still hauntingly vivid in the back of his mind; hugging the lifeless body of Yukhei in his arms, tears continuously streaming down his cheeks. He could see how exhausted the other was, but he wouldn’t let go of Yukhei until the paramedics arrived and pronounced he was dead onsite. After that night, no one saw Jungwoo cry again.

 

He was calm during the funeral, he was even the one who comforted Yukhei’s parents who just arrived from Hong Kong, and even said yes when his parents asked him if he can accompany them in bringing Yukhei to his final resting place contrary to everyone’s knowledge. Yukhei requested to bury him here in Korea so Jungwoo can visit him from time to time whenever Jungwoo misses him because between the two of them it was Jungwoo who was the real clingy one.

 

“It’s been a year already.”

 

“Jungwoo?” Kun asked, just to double check in case he was hallucinating.

 

“It’s been a year already, but I’m still here. I am still in this nightmare, Yukhei. But I don’t mind because you said, it’s not the ending… it‘s the journey… our journey that matters the most. But the pain is still there. From the moment I wake up until the moment I close my eyes, I always keep on seeking your warmth. Only then, I can just feel that in my dreams you will always be there. Basking in the warmth of the sunlight, and when you hug me, everything feels alright and safe. Then again, I cannot live like that, waking up feeling death. So being stupid that I was, I opted for this coping mechanism that maybe I can avoid that one thing that you loved the most which is Math and everything that is related to it. But no, it won’t work that way, just like oblivion, pain will always be there, and I will always be reminded that you made me understand the things that I couldn’t fathom before…

 

Like how Math may tell us the three saddest love stories?

 

But it also told us the greatest love story of all…

 

the story of infinity.

 

Our little infinity.” Jungwoo smiled bitterly as he kissed the urn and clutched the infinity necklaces tightly.

 

It was when Kun accompanied Jungwoo to Yukhei’s urn that he realized where Jungwoo was coming from. It was then, for the first time, everyone understood Jungwoo. It was when the university released his last article after he resigned as a professor and went to Hong Kong with Yukhei’s urn to take him home.

 

The sole article that Yukhei missed.


	9. Spring 2016

_Infinity: The concept of something that is unlimited, endless, without bound._

“Yukhei, remember when you told me the three saddest love stories?” Jungwoo asked as he played with Yukhei’s hair who was resting his head on his thighs. They were at the park, enjoying the spring breeze and having a small picnic.

“What about it, honey?” Yukhei asked as he closed the book that he was reading and look up at Jungwoo.

“Is there a great love story that Math tells?” Jungwoo asked as he looked down at Yukhei. “I mean, there should be one, just to balance everything out.”

“There’s one.”

“What is it?”

“The story of infinity.”

“Our infinity?”

“Yes, our infinity.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 2 complete :) 
> 
> little sneak preview of the 2nd part of the Luwoo Winter Series 2018
> 
> What does it feel like, to have that cute winter romance story like in “Serendipity” or maybe the one in “Love Actually”? What does it feel to be kissed under the mistletoe? It has always been a wonderful mystery for me to think if an average person like me can actually have an extraordinary winter romance that I can actually talk for years.   
> Bold of me to assume that this can happen in real life. Those sappy movies made it so easy to just wing it…  
> But when reality hits you, HARD…  
> You will just be reminded that life was never fair to anyone of us.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first half of my Luwoo Winter Series and basically my first post here so UwU. Special thanks to my Luwoo Fam for all the love [My sisters E., D., Z., C.,] support [Meme Support by Mom and My Sister V.] and grammatical corrections [Hi dad! I l*ve you :*]


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